Why?

That’s been my question since the phase one has in toddlerhood where everything is responded to with why, if not responded to with the other favorited, “no!” response. For me it wasn’t a phase, it was everything moving forward.

I recently came across a Christian Poet (I am not Christian nor a Poet, but I am undoubtedly a curious creature) and she brought up the book of Job, which in my own words goes a man that was happy in life who suffered at the hands of a supposed God who even though he is all powerful, all knowing and creator, felt thrusted to prove the Devil wrong about why people believed in the almighty. Hey, it’s an interpretive text and that is my interpretation. Spoiler alert: Job’s family, animals, etc are slaughtered and destroyed and surprisingly, his faith never wavers.

That was a long round about to her point which is based on her own interpretation that is probably more thoughtful and well articulated, is how we need not ask why and just accept what is.

I probably don’t sound like it here, but I have a very analytical mind and what makes it a bit mucky, or extremely mucky if we are being honest, is my emotions tend to be the driver. A brain led by the heart is not an easy road to navigate (in my particular circumstance, I suppose). I have the tendency to ponder, contemplate, think about in every which way I can, why people do what they do. And I am not an expert, but it seems to me that is a very difficult thing to ponder when you’re not privy to people’s minds other than your own. I mean even in true crime, if there’s not physical line of evidence such as insurance policies, inheritance, robbery, affairs, or the person admitting their motive, a lot of people are locked up being the only persons who know why they did what they did. The rest of it is just speculation. And that my friends is what I need to work on. Less speculation about someone’s actions or inactions and more on what their action means to me.

This is honestly a very new lesson for me. I have lived a life of speculating the why of things and now I want to just be. We shall see if this leopard can change her spots. Har har.